For Esther Puche
I cannot understand why you are so mean and cruel with me. You’ve haunted me for so many nights and I always welcomed you like a good friend.
Then you became unfair and unkind to me, showing more and more anger – almost hatred toward me. Why? What have I done to deserve your hatred?
You haunted other people’s dreams and lied about me. You depicted me as a sort of psychotic erotomaniac. Did you think that I would not hear of it? People talk about their dreams, you know? When I found out what you did, I was not angry at you. I was only sad. If your intention was to break my heart, you did very well, I assure you… I cried for hours; I lost my sleep for fear of encountering you. You made me fear you and willing to avoid you while I was so fond of you…
Beloved Nightmare, here is what you have to know: I cannot be mad at you. I forgive all your nonsense and your lies. I will never harm you nor will I ever speak ill of you – not even to my psychiatrist. I will not do to you what you did to me. Let others think that I am at fault, I don’t care. I have been accused so often; one more time will not make any difference.
Problem is – I am growing distant with you. If this goes on, I am afraid that I’ll have no other choice left, but to exclude you from my dream world. To ban a dream is more painful than even you can imagine, especially when you love the dream as much as I love you. But I know that I can do this. I have already done it, you see…
I don’t want to ban you. But I cannot help it; this is what will happen if you keep being so unfair and cruel with me, if you keep causing me so much distress. Besides, all this anger of yours is not necessary. Don’t forget – we have been good companions. We had great moments. Very often, I really miss you even by the daylight.
So, dear Nightmare, please take some time and seriously consider all this: Do you really want me to ban you from my dreams?
Is this really, really what you want?
I hope not…
With all my dark affection,
Your Night Wanderer that still thinks of you and loves you.