Noel Coward — LONDON PRIDE

London Pride has been handed down to us.
London Pride is a flower that’s free.
London Pride means our own dear town to us,
And our pride it for ever will be.
Woa, Liza,
See the coster barrows,
Vegetable marrows
And the fruit piled high.
Woa, Liza,
Little London sparrows,
Covent Garden Market where the costers cry.
Cockney feet
Mark the beat of history.
Every street
Pins a memory down.
Nothing ever can quite replace
The grace of London Town.
There’s a little city flower every spring unfailing
Growing in the crevices by some London railing,
Though it has a Latin name, in town and country-side
We in England call it London Pride.
London Pride has been handed down to us.
London Pride is a flower that’s free.
London Pride means our own dear town to us,
And our pride it for ever will be.
Hey, lady,
When the day is dawning
See the policeman yawning
On his lonely beat.
Gay lady,
Mayfair in the morning,
Hear your footsteps echo in the empty street.
Early rain
And the pavement’s glistening.
All Park Lane
In a shimmering gown.
Nothing ever could break or harm
The charm of London Town.

In our city darkened now, street and square and crescent,
We can feel our living past in our shadowed present,
Ghosts beside our starlit Thames
Who lived and loved and died
Keep throughout the ages London Pride.
London Pride has been handed down to us.
London Pride is a flower that’s free.
London Pride means our own dear town to us,
And our pride it for ever will be.
Grey city
Stubbornly implanted,
Taken so for granted
For a thousand years.
Stay, city,
Smokily enchanted,
Cradle of our memories and hopes and fears.
Every Blitz
Your resistance
Toughening,
From the Ritz
To the Anchor and Crown,
Nothing ever could override
The pride of London Town.

 a danse macabre classique supplémentaire

Kevin Ridgeway — SHOPPING CARTS

SHOPPING CARTS

the endless parade
of iron crashes
at six in the morning

shopping carts
brimming
with recyclables
piloted
by skeletal
men and women

praying for a
nice payday
to fill those carts
with full bottles
of cheap wine

to numb the next
scavenger escapade

 
Kevin Ridgeway is a writer from Southern California, where he resides in a shady bungalow with his girlfriend and their one-eyed cat. His chapbook of poetry, Burn through Today, is now available from Flutter Press.

READ MORE OF HIS WORK IN DM 58 ~ SKIN ~

Subhankar Das — BACK BONE / MEMORIES AND WHISKEY

MEMORIES AND WHISKY

Memories are all that I have
to play with,
these memories of rain.
Sharing a small umbrella and
getting drenched,
are still stored at the back of my eyes.

Now sitting on my roof with my whisky
in a storm
and the rain makes my peg
a little larger than it actually is.

Its still raining here like mad
Cant even leave now
I am on cheers.

BACK BONE

Out on the streets in search of a back bone
Cigarettes running low
turning to smoke so fast that
I lost all track.

Just called this young lovers
who were searching for a place to fuck.
at least let them enjoy life
which is making me impotent.

The refrigerator is near empty
no beers, no wine, no whisky
only five bottles of plain water
and 20 cigarettes to go with.

I even gave them free condoms
You need guts to be a pimp
You need guts to jump from a 10 storied building
as your friend did.
I am just a coward
trying hard to hang on.

Subhankar Das: Poet,Producer,Publisher of Bangla experimental stuff.Produced 6 short films with more than 16 international film festival fame and appreciation.Has 16 published books of Bangla and English poetry.Translator Of Allen Ginsberg’s poems and Charles Bukowski’s poems in Bangla.Book Store owner.

Ben Nardolilli — ANACHRONISM PILEUP

Brian apologized for being late when he reached our table. I told him it was all right. I had begun drinking coffee without him. Brian caught up quickly, catching the attention of our waitress and ordering a coffee. He put it down in front of me wrestled with the lid to get it off. I offered to help, but Brian took a plastic knife and cut a hole in the top to drink through.

Once he could get a clear stream of coffee going, he set his cane down against his chair and began unwrapping himself from the finery that kept him warm outside. There was a frock coat, a jacket, a pair of pearl gray gloves, and a dark felt coachman’s hat. He kept his waistcoat and cravat on, along with his starched white shirt. He saw no need to remove his piercing pince-nez either.

Once he was finished, I asked him what was wrong. Since Brian had a wall telephone that required a crank to power it, he only used it in cases of emergencies. Usually, he preferred to meet with me in person, despite the walk between his house and mine. It was only natural for me to assume the worst. I was right.

“I’ve been scammed, Bill.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“How? I’m so sorry.”

“I know. Me of all people.”

“What happened? Was it identity theft?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“I thought so. I mean, you don’t even have a driver’s license to steal, do you?”

“Nope.”

“Did they take a lot from you?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to tell me how much.”

“I don’t and I won’t.”

“It wouldn’t be gentlemanly.”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Well, how did it happen?”

“It was your typical set up, somebody wrote to me claiming they needed help, and that if I offered any assistance, then a large reward was mine.”

“Really? That’s one of the oldest cons out there.”

“It is, and it was my fault for not knowing just how old it was. I thought it was an invention of the internet. Turns out it goes way back before then.”

“The old Spanish prisoner.”

“Yes.”

“Is that what caught you?”

“No, it was a Nigerian scam.”

“Really?”

“But they wrapped it up in such a way that of course I would fall for it.”

“How?”

“First of all, they used the postal service, my preferred means of communication.”

“Of course.”

“Second, they sent me letters using old paper and postage.”

“Old postage?”

“Every letter I got had stamps from Southern Nigeria with Queen Victoria’s picture on them.”

“I see.”

“Plus, inside there were letters that were written using the old pen and ink.”

“A pen?”

“Not just a ballpoint, but one of the older kinds of pens, one that has to suck up ink. I could tell because of the way the letters were made and the little drops of black left on the paper. Modern kinds of pens don’t do that.”

“So someone sent you old fashioned letters asking for help and they flattered you until you gave them money?”

“Yes. I know when you say it with all the facts together like that it makes me sound stupid.”

“Well, it does. You know what they saw about hindsight though.”

“Of course, of course. I guess I was just impressed that someone would try to communicate with me in a way I appreciated. I lost track of what the person actually wanted.”

“It could happen to any of us.”

“What really hooked me was that the person claimed to be a Prince from Dahomey. Not even a modern nation state like Nigeria.”

“That would do it.”

“I kept thinking it was a game and I figured, sure, I’ll play along and send them my money, like it was just tokens from a game or part of an historical reenactment. Unfortunately it was very real money.”

“You gave them your silver dollars?”

“Most of them. Plus my good dollars too. I packed them up and sent them out without realizing what I had done until I got home. Then I felt very ill. Not even a tincture could revive my spirits. It still couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry Brain. I wish I could help.”

“I know. I know. It’s all my fault. Since I sent in hard currency there’s no real recourse either. I can’t call a company up and cancel gold and silver.”

“Those can be cashed anywhere.”

“Unfortunately.” Brian pulled out a silver pocket watch and looked at the time. “Well, I’m late for an engagement. You know I could probably pawn this for rent money.”

I asked our waitress for the check and she placed our bill on the table. I read it and then put it down. “Well, I don’t think they accept old coinage here.”

Brian looked at the bill and I could see he wanted me to pay it. I picked it up from the table once he was done with it and put my credit card on top of it for the waitress to get.

“Thanks. As you know I’m a little hard up.”

“I know.”

“Believe me, I feel pretty bad about it.”

“I would too. Then again, maybe you’re just scamming me.”

Brian, “well, if I was going to scam you out of money, I wouldn’t do it for a coffee in a paper cup.”

“And certainly not at a chain.”

“Certainly not.”

He gathered his costume up off the chair, put it on, and bid me good day. I decided that once everything had settled and the weekend was over, I would pay him a visit at his place, and explain everything. The hardest part would be asking him to excuse the harm my prank had caused. What had started as an exercise to learn calligraphy with dip pens had turned into a learning experience for us both, though the circumstances of the lesson should have been gained without an exchange of trust and Morgan Dollars.

KJ Hannah Greenberg — A LITTLE OLD MAN WITH AN ABACUS: ASSORTED FAMILIAL DYSFUNCTION DURING SELECT POST ADOLESCENT YEARS

A Little Old Man with an Abacus: Assorted Familial Dysfunction during Select Post Adolescent Years
© KJ Hannah Greenberg
drkarenjoy@yahoo.com

Daughter: Whats it matter to you?

Mother: Five thousand miles. I care.

Daughter: Didnt care when Nancy moved out.

Mother: She was your friend. You are my daughter.

Daughter: Youre my mother, not my friend.

Mother: Im going to remember that remark as long as I live. I want you to know that I will remember it.

Daughter: Jazz.

Mother: Whos going to take care of your father and me when we get old?

Daughter: Two years, Mom. Two years.

Mother: You might get married there.

Daughter: Might.

Mother: Wed buy you that car.

Daughter: Jazz. Whats dinner? Want help?

Mother: Your last night at home and you cant even talk to me. I think you have taken advantage of all of my sacrifices all of these years.

Daughter: Whatever. Talk. Ill talk. Sharon and Betsy gave me these.

Mother: Theyre nice dear. Maybe you could go for only one year?

Daughter: Sharon bought the Zebra. The books from Bets.

Mother: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance? You wont even have a wedding? I might die just hearing the news.

Daughter: You wont die. Youll cry, though, since Im holding out for a little old man with an abacus. He can impregnate me.

Mother: My mother would spin in her grave if she heard such things. Than, again, considering your trashy past

Daughter: Just shut-up!

Mother: How are you going to get an abortion over there?

Daughter: Youre a sicko.

Mother: You wont be able to come crying home; scholarship rules, you know. What will you do next time?

Daughter: Ill deal.

Mother: Do think theyd fund you if they knew?

Daughter: Jazz. Im outa here.

Mother: Maybe youd still be with Jerry if you had kept it.

Daughter: This is my back leaving.

Mother: Im sorry. Please dont go. Its our last night. You just get me so upset sometimes. Im going to miss you a lot. You are so precious to me. You have no idea how much I value you. Your father is going to miss you a lot, too. Reconsider?

Daughter: You and what army?

Mother: Marry Jerry.

Daughter: Ma, Im already living with Bob.

Mother: Bob is nice if you like that sort of thing.

Daughter: He makes a good living from it.

Mother: Why did you keep it from me for so long? If anyone could understand, it would be me.

Daughter: Jazz.

Mother: Maybe, just maybe, with more clothes, a haircut and a lot less piercings, he might

Daughter: Want to ask Humphry to leave? Why did I ever tell you?

Mother: You are going to kill me. Youve already managed to make your father sick. And now, this relocation business, Im sure hell be back in the hospital. Me too. Why are you doing this to us? Couldnt you have been a good girl?

Daughter: Humphrys a rabbit, Ma. Im still a vegetarian. Bobs building a franchise. We broke it off since Ill be away for two years.

Mother: You left him? How could you do that?

Daughter Right, Ma. Anyway, I think I heard Dad come in.

Mother: Are you really going to look for a little old man with an abacus?

Daughter: And pregnancy, dont forget another pregnancy. Maybe Ill get new parents, too.

Zsigmond Móricz SEVEN PENNIES (Hét krajcár)

a danse macabre classique supplementaire
The gods in their wisdom have granted the benefit of laughter also to the poor.
The tenants of huts do not wail all the time, often enough a hearty laughter comes ringing from their dwellings. I might even go to the length of saying that the poor often laugh when they have every reason to cry.
I happen to be thoroughly familiar with that kind of world. The generation of the Soós tribe that had brought forth my father went through the direst stages of destitution. At that time, my father worked as a day-labourer in a machine shop. There was nothing for him, nor for anyone else, to brag about in those days. (Yet brag they did.)
And it is a fact that never in my life was I to laugh as much as in those very years of my childhood.
How, indeed, should I ever again have laughed so heartily after I had lost my merry, red-cheeked mother, who used to laugh so sweetly that, in the end, tears came trickling down her cheeks and her laughter ended in a fit of coughing that almost choked her…
But she never laughed as merrily as on the afternoon which we spent searching for seven pennies. We searched, and we found them, too. Three were in the drawer of the sewing machine one in the cupboard… the rest were more difficult to find.
My mother found the first three pennies all by herself. She thought there ought to be more coins in the drawer, for she used to turn a penny by sewing and kept whatever she earned in that drawer. To me, the drawer of the sewing machine seemed an inexhaustible gold mine, and whenever you delved into it, all your wishes came true.
Thus I was flabbergasted to see my mother digging into a mess of needles, thimbles, scissors, bits of ribbon, braid and buttons, and, after she had poked around in them a while, to hear her say in astonishment:
“They have gone into hiding.”
“Who?”
“The coins,” she said with a laugh.
She pulled out the drawer.
“Come on, sonny, let us find the wicked things. Naughty, naughty coins.”
She squatted on the floor and put down the drawer so cautiously, she seemed to fear its contents might fly away; then she daintily turned it upside down, as though she were catching butterflies under a hat.
You couldn’t help laughing over the way she acted.
“Here they are, in here,” she giggled, and was in no hurry to lift up the drawer. “If there’s but a single one, it must be in here.”
I squatted on my heels and watched closely for a shiny coin to creep forth somewhere. Nothing stirred.
To be quite frank, neither of us really believed that there were any inside.
We glanced at each other, laughing over the childish joke.
I touched the drawer as it lay there upside down.
“Ssht!” my mother shushed me. “Keep still, child, or they’ll run away. You have no idea how nimble pennies can be. They run so fast, they simply roll away. My, how they roll…”
We rocked with laughter. We had seen often enough, how easily the pennies could roll away.
When we got over our fit of laughter, I stretched out my hand once more to lift the drawer.
“Don’t!” mother cried out, and I snatched back my finger as if I had scorched it on a stove.
“Easy, you spendthrift. Why be in such a hurry to send them off? They belong to us only while they are safe here, under the hood. Let them remain there for a little while yet. For, you see, I have to do some washing and for that I need some soap, and for the soap I must have at least seven pennies, they won’t give me any for less. I’ve got three already, I need four more, they must be in this little house. They live here, but they hate to be disturbed, and if they grow angry, they’ll vanish and we shan’t ever get hold of them again. Easy, then, for money is a delicate thing and must be handled gently. It wants to be respected. It takes offence quickly, like a sensitive lady… Don’t you know a verse that would lure it from its house?”
Oh, how we laughed while she babbled along! My incantation was odd indeed. It went like this:
“Uncle Coin, I’m no liar,
Your house is on fire…”
At this I turned the drawer right side up again.
There was every kind of rubbish below it, but coins… there were none.
My mother kept rummaging in the heap, making a sour face, but that didn’t help.
“What a pity,” she said, “that we have no table. It would have been more respectful to turn it over on a table, and then the coins would have stayed put.”
I swept up the things and put them back into the drawer. Mother was doing some hard thinking the while. She racked her brains to remember whether she had some time or other put any money elsewhere, but she couldn’t recall it.
Of a sudden, I had an idea.
“Mother, I know a place where there is a coin.”
“Where is it, sonny? Let us catch it before it melts like snow.”
“There used to be one in the drawer of the glass cupboard.”
“Oh, my lamb, I’m glad you didn’t tell me before, it would surely no longer be there.”
We stood up and went to the cupboard that had lost its glass pane ever so long ago; the penny was actually in the drawer I had suspected it to be in. I had been tempted to filch it for the past three days, but I never mustered enough courage to do so. Had I dared, I would have spent it on candy.
“Now we have got four pennies. Don’t worry, sonny, that’s already the bigger half. All we need is three more. And if it has taken us an hour to find four, we shall find the rest before We have a snack. That will leave me plenty of time to do a batch of washing by nightfall. Come on, let us see, perhaps there are some more in the other drawers.”
All would have been well, had each drawer contained one coin. That would have been more than we needed. For, in the prime of its life, the old cupboard had done service in a prosperous dwelling, where it had harboured many treasures. In our home, however, the poor thing contained little enough – weak-chested, worm-eaten, gap-toothed as it was.
Mother chided each drawer as she pulled it open.
“This one used to be rich – once upon a time. This one never had a thing. This one here always lived on tick. As for you, you miserable beggar, you haven’t a farthing to your name. This one won’t ever have any, we keep our poverty in it. And you there, may you never have a single one: I ask you for a penny just this once, and even so you begrudge it me. This one is sure to be the richest, look!” she burst out laughing, as she jerked open the lowest drawer, which had not a splinter to its bottom.
She hung it around my neck, and we both laughed so hard, we had to sit down on the floor.
“Wait a minute,” she started, “I’ll get some money in a jiffy. There must be some in your father’s suit.”
There were some nails in the wall upon which our clothes were hung. My mother delved into the topmost pocket of my father’s jacket, and, marvel of marvels, her fingers pulled out a penny.
She could hardly believe her eyes.
“Bless me,” she shouted, “here it is. How much does that make? Why, we can hardly manage to count them all up. One – two – three – four – five… Five! All we need is two more. Two pennies, that is nothing. Where there are five, there are bound to be two more.”
She went about feverishly searching all my father’s pockets, but alas, to no avail. She couldn’t find another. Even the merriest jokes failed to lure forth two more pennies.
My mother’s cheeks burned like two red roses with excitement and exertion. She was not supposed to work, for, whenever she did, she was taken ill. This was, of course, a special kind of work, and you can’t forbid people to look for money.
Snack-time came and went. Soon it would be getting dark. My father needed a clean shirt for the morning, and no washing could be done. Well-water alone was not enough to remove the greasy dirt.
Suddenly, mother tapped her forehead:
“How silly of me. I never thought of searching my own pocket! Now that I think of it, I shall have a look.”
She did, and sure enough, there was a penny in it. The sixth one.
A veritable fever took hold of us. Just one more penny was lacking.
“Let me see your pockets, perhaps there is one in them.”
Dear me, it was no good showing them. They were empty.
It was turning dark, and there we were with our six pennies, we might as well have had none for all the use they were. The Jewish grocer granted no credit, and the neighbours were just as penniless as we. Besides, you just couldn’t go and ask for one penny!
The best we could do was to have a good laugh over our own misery.
We were in the very throes of it, when a beggar came by, wailing his sing-song prayer for alms.
Mother almost swooned with laughter.
“Stop it, my good man,” she said, “I have been idle all afternoon, for I am short of one penny to buy half a pound soap with.”
The beggar, a kindly old man, stared at her.
“You are short of one penny, you say?”
“One penny, yes.”
“I’ll give it you.”
“A nice thing to take alms from a beggar!”
“Never mind, my child, I can do without it. All I need is a hole in the ground and a shovelful of earth. That will make everything well for me.”
He put the penny into my hand and shuffled along amidst our blessings.
“Thank goodness,” my mother said. “Now run along…”
She stopped short, then burst into ringing laughter.
“I can’t wash today in any case, but, just the same, it’s none too soon that we scraped together the money: it is getting dark, and I have no kerosene for the lamp.”
She laughed so hard, it took her breath away. A fierce murderous fit of coughing shook her body. She swayed on her feet and buried her face in her palms and, as I drew close to support her, I felt something warm trickling down on my hands.
It was blood, her precious, hallowed blood. That of my mother, who could laugh so heartily as few people can, even among the poor.
(1908)

Matthew Cherry — THE DANGERS OF WHEELBARROWS AND OF MEN NAMED JOE

(A guard post in a ubiquitous foreign country. The suggestion of desolate landscape. Cold. At far downstage right, perhaps even on the apron, sits CENSOR, in plain black suit, perhaps with unfashionable sunglasses. Set consists of a gate near center stage left, at which stands RAND, in military garb/combat gear but swathed against the cold.)

CENSOR: (addressing audience directly) The following story consists of actual events. To protect the rights of those involved and the operational security interests of the United States of America and its allied nations abroad, the names of all persons appearing have been altered. By me.

Enter MARTINEZ, stage right.

RAND: (determining if this is friend or foe): Who goes?

MARTINEZ: Rand?

RAND: Rand? Who’s Rand? What unit are you with?

MARTINEZ: (crossing to center) Your unit, asshole. It’s me.

RAND: I don’t know a Rand. (raising rifle) Stay where you are!

MARTINEZ: (exasperated) Jesus, Rand! You’re Rand!

RAND: Me? No I- (with dawning comprehension) aw man, what kind of a name is Rand?

MARTINEZ: (crossing to RAND) Take it up with him. (indicating CENSOR)

RAND: (to CENSOR) Hey, buddy, what the-

CENSOR: (interrupting) Censored!

RAND: -are you trying to do to me? And – and what the hell was that? You’re bleeping me? I can’t even say-

CENSOR: (interrupting) Censored!

RAND: without getting bleeped out by some bureaucrat? Give me a break. What’s my first name – Ingelbert? Humphrey?

(a beat)

CENSOR: Cornelius.

RAND: Perfect.

MARTINEZ: That’s the Corps for you. Giving you the Big Green Weenie everywhere you go.

RAND: You may want to tone that stuff down a bit. (indicating audience) They have no idea what you’re talking about, and I doubt rambling on about giant green

CENSOR: (interrupting) Censored!

RAND: (sighs) I mean giant green penises…

(a beat, during which RAND waits to see if CENSOR is going to censor “penises”)

RAND: …is going to endear you to them much.

MARTINEZ: (looking out) To who?

RAND: Them.

MARTINEZ: (seeing) Oh. Wow. (a beat) Well, who cares what they think? They probably voted Democrat.

RAND: (to audience) For those viewers who are unfamiliar with the many enchantments of United States Marine Corps dialect, the (making airquotes) “Big Green Weenie” is a metaphor for anytime the giant, uncaring federal military machine leaves you out in the cold or gives you the short end of the stick.

CENSOR: (to RAND) I’m not going to censor that, but I’d like to take this moment to point out that it’s highly unadvisable to define a metaphor by using other metaphors or figurative language.

(a beat)

RAND: (in a stage whisper to MARTINEZ) I think he votes Democrat.

MARTINEZ: Speaking of being left out in the cold, is the weather here always this bad?

RAND: Only during the cold season.

MARTINEZ: It’s late March. When the hell is the warm season?

RAND: June.

MARTINEZ: June? Just June?

RAND: Yeah, most of it.

MARTINEZ: Most?

RAND: Well, about half.

MARTINEZ: Jesus.

RAND: What are you doing here anyway, Martinez? You came over from one of the other bases to replace Gibbons, didn’t you?

MARTINEZ: Yeah, I – (startled) what did you call me?

RAND: MARTINEZ. (points at the nametape on her uniform) Mar-ti-nez.

MARTINEZ: (rounding on CENSOR) Martinez? I’m Oriental, you-

CENSOR: (interrupting) Censored!

MARTINEZ: -idiot!

RAND: It looks like you’re being played by a white girl to me.

MARTINEZ: (looks down at self, then cries out in disgust) AAGH! There’re one and a half billion Oriental people on the planet, and you cast a white person to play me?

RAND: I’m more worried about what we’re going to talk about all shift. We’ve gotta stand here for six hours every day. How am I going to pass the time without Gibbons?

MARTINEZ: What did you talk to Gibbons about? I’m a Marine just like him.

RAND: Well, uh, it’s not the same.

MARTINEZ: Oh, I get it. You talked to Gibbons all the time about women.

RAND: (obviously guilty) No, that’s not it, I just meant-

MARTINEZ: You talked to Gibbons all day about tits and ass and how much-

CENSOR: MEOW!

MARTINEZ: -you used to get back home, and now you’re upset that you can’t talk about all that Hemingway bull-

CENSOR: DOODOO!

MARTINEZ: -anymore and you’ll have to actually think of something intelligent to say to the big scary girl.

RAND: Did you just censor the word… the word that rhymes with “wussy” by yelling “meow” and the second half of “bullcrap” by yelling “doodoo?”

CENSOR: Don’t judge me.

MARTINEZ: Hey, don’t change the subject. What makes you think you can’t talk to me about girls?

RAND: (nonplussed) Well, uh, since you’re a girl I just figured you liked the-

CENSOR: (passable rooster impression) COCKADOODLE-DOO!

MARTINEZ: How do you know? Maybe I want to talk about women. Maybe I get with more women than you do, back in the States. Maybe I loooooove the-

CENSOR: MEOW!

MARTINEZ: -and maybe I just can’t wait till we get back and I can motorboat the hell out of a nice pair of-

RAND: Alright, okay! I get it.

(a beat)

RAND: So do you want to talk about women?

MARTINEZ: No.

RAND: Typical. Just lead a guy on and-

MARTINEZ: Hey, stow it. Someone’s coming.

Enter JOE stage right, pushing wheelbarrow covered in canvas.

RAND: Halt! Stand and be recognized!

JOE halts.

MARTINEZ: Who is that guy?

RAND: Looks like one of the locals we hire for contractor work. (to JOE) Do you have ID?

JOE: (nodding vigorously) Yes!

(a beat, during which JOE produces no identification)

RAND: Can we see it?

JOE: (cheerfully) Good!

(MARTINEZ and RAND exchange a glance)

MARTINEZ: (with hand gestures) No, can we see your ID?

JOE: (enthusiastic) Yes!

RAND: (loudly, as though to a slow child) Where!….is! ….your!…. identification!

JOE: (loudly, as though to a slow child) Good!

MARTINEZ: Can I shoot him?

RAND: No. (to JOE) You have to have ID to come in here. You should have one issued by the Foreign Nationals office over on the other side of base.

JOE: (happy he is able to help) Good!

MARTINEZ: I’m gonna shoot him.

CENSOR: (as though to a misbehaving teenager) You shoot him, I’m censoring it.

MARTINEZ: Screw off. You named me Martinez. I’m frigging Laotian.

RAND: (to JOE) What do you have in your wheelbarrow?

JOE: (rummages in wheelbarrow): Yes, good!

RAND: Do you have construction supplies for our new bunker in your wheelbarrow?

JOE: Yes!

MARTINEZ: Do you have live snakes and rabid weasels and terrorist bombs in your wheelbarrow?

JOE: Good! (produces brick from wheelbarrow)

RAND: Oh, Jesus.

MARTINEZ: You heard him, Rand. I’m shooting him.

CENSOR: Don’t do that!

MARTINEZ: I’m shooting him, too.

RAND: I’m not seeing this. I’m asleep.

JOE: (brandishing brick from wheelbarrow at MARTINEZ, then RAND, helpfully) Yes, good?

RAND: I’m asleep and when I wake up I’m going to be on a plane home.

MARTINEZ: This is our story: he had a wheelbarrow full of live, rabid weasel-snakes, and he ran straight at us hollering “Jihad!”

RAND: We’re in South America. The nearest Muslim extremist is like a thousand miles away.

JOE: Good!

MARTINEZ: And the weasel-snakes all had terrorist bombs, and they were yelling “Jihad” too.

JOE: Yes!

RAND: Asleep on a plane. First class. Nice plane.

MARTINEZ: And we had no choice but to shoot him. A lot.

RAND: If I wasn’t asleep on a United 737 halfway across the Gulf of Mexico, having my Jack-and-Coke refreshed by a hot blonde stewardess with a great laugh, I would think that you have psychological issues.

CENSOR: I like blondes!

JOE: Yes!

MARTINEZ: Give me your rifle. I’ll shoot him for both of us.

CENSOR: I never censor blondes.

SERGEANT: (from off stage left) Hey, is that Joe? Does he have my wheelbarrow full of bricks for the bunker? Let him in here already, what the-

CENSOR: (interrupting) Censored!

SERGEANT: – is taking so long?

RAND: (sighs) Move along, sir. (waves Joe inside the gate).

JOE: Good, yes? (passes through gate and moves toward stage left)

MARTINEZ: That’s okay. I can shoot him on the way out.

(JOE continues toward stage left. As he does so, the canvas covering his load of “bricks” shifts aside, and we see that the wheelbarrow is in fact filled with brightly-covered packages. These all have clear labels reading things like “WEASEL BOMBS” or “JIHAD TERROR SNAKE.” JOE exits stage left. Lights go down.)

END

Matthew Cherry is a Creative Studies graduate student and Teaching Assistant at the University of Central Oklahoma, and a veteran in the United States Marine Corps Reserve. His fiction has been appeared in many publications, including Calliope magazine, Every Day Fiction, and The Nautilus Engine. His true loves include Chimay Blue and any English word with all five vowels in alphabetical order. Give up yet? ‘Facetious.’

Tom Foster — ODE TO THE WRITER

We are the lords and ladies of creation, yet we are still just players.
In the beginning we are as in the end.
We do not aspire, we simply do.
There is the dream, tempered by the reality, and given form by the thought.
By our thought, by our dreams, and by the reality we impose.
It’s a madness of the sort that only poets and writers can truly understand, and even among those only a few can comprehend.
Comprehension, that is a truly frightening thing.
We play with words, we are those that can immortalize, and those that can do what must be said and say what must be done.
It is confusion, this comprehension, and in the midst of it all, it is the single word that carries power, the one among all that is ever elusive, ever there, always waiting for us to return to, to remind us what it is that drives us, what keeps the fountain flowing.
Every last soul that has ever put ink to paper, ever put finger to key, every vague idea that swirls inward from the maelstrom we call the world, the universe, and everything in between and without.
For everything that could come, for everything that has and will come, we are there. We are the ones that do not deny the voice that tells us, “this must come to pass”, or “this must be remembered”.
It is who we are, what we do, and through everything, it is the lifeblood of those who cherish this timeless art form, this undeniable urge to say, in their own manner, “I AM”.
We are not gods, we create, and yet in the process, we are created. It is our words, penned and copied throughout the ages that have helped to shape the world, to say that, “WE ARE”, that “WE EXIST”.
Whether tyrant or savior, good or evil, saint or sinner, the words that are put to time’s test are those that will come to define the world we know. Memory is not enough, though it serves.
As do we.
We are the lords of creation, the ones whose words will last and echo into the ages, for all to see, and all to remember.
Is it truth?
The better question is: Does it matter?
We are the lords and ladies of creation, and by our words, the world we know is shaped, molded, and given to the next generation, and so on and so forth until the whole mess ends, only to be rebuilt, and to crumble again.
We are the lords and ladies of Creation, and this is our legacy.

Tom Foster is a locally published author from Portland, OR, originally of Longbeach, WA, and has published with Danse Macabre several times in the past. His works include such short stories as Dreams of Fire, TInker’s Dream, and Wakerunners. His full length novel, Strength and Honor, was published in 2011 and is to be followed by his second novel in the coming year. The author has one piece of advice to all burgeoning practitioners of the written word, “Don’t aspire, just write dammit.”

S. R. Christian — REVELL’S NIGHT

Revell wondered if his mind was a grave.

It seemed dead. Cold. There was a barreness within his mind that made him think of wind and grit and stone walls. The living room was warm pleasantly so with the fire in the corner, its orange flames lazily strolling to and fro the well-stocked grate, and the well-worn red felt recliner chair near to it. The lighting was dim, glowing against walls of mahogany and picture frames and the hardwood floor; the soft orchestration coming from the television was mellow, like the lights, and accompanied with a piano for liltiness. It was really quiteromantic. But whispers of the haunted sung inside the room. Aye, and Revell knew that it was the time, the time of year when he condemned to let his soul live not in this worldbut in theirs.

Theirs.

One time a year, when comes the weakening weather and the stormy winds and the leafless trees not yet choked with fluffy snow, his soul departed. One time of year, one time, Revell was all but dead, but not to those who already were. Behind his eyes was ice. In his lungs, wind rolled along at its own whim. His tongue was tasteless and wordless, his limbs were stiff like grey steel. His skin was like the creamy wax of the single candle that perched on the windows sill, alone. The candle on ths sill was left unlit.

One time a year, and the mans soul was taken. Where it went would not be told. He spoke nothing of his experiences, if he even remembered them. Why he let his soul wander so far astray was a mystery.

Only the how was readily known.

It is said, that once the man named Revell closed himself inside the house come the unclasping of night, he pulled out his recliner chair from its corner perch, placed it near the window, as if to practise to observe the night from inside. There were those who saw him, so it is said, who caught a glimpse of his horrific yet placid features, his grotesque yet appeased appearance. The man Revell looked menacing, somehow; and somehow, too, he looked benign. It was a paradox that left many disbelieving any furtherance of the tale, while it left even more believing in it.

The man Revell sat there, a leg warmer hung over his thighs and chair like a shroud. Slippers both frayed and fluffy remained slightly unstill on the floor, as if the toes within each were twitching. A coat of rich blue with gold trimming and embroidery wore wearily on his shoulders like a fallen comrade determined to see it through to the end with its friend. The man had a single ring on his hand it was very much like a wedding band, though no wife alive bore its twin any more. The candle and its holder had been there for time knows how long, but the wick stayed always unlighted, always silent. That is, until the one time of year, when it lit itself on its own.
When the candle sprung its flame, the man seemed to freeze. Ugly yet content features sharpened, his hand would stray off its rest, as if the fingers were suddenly reaching for something dear. Reaching, or contorting in tortured semi-paralysis, it is not clear. The twitching of the mans toes quit. The rest of the lights in the room, unaccountably, had grown darker, nearly covered with their own shadow. Solemn. Almost romantic.

How long the man Rivell remains in his state varies year to year. Those who have come across the sight of him in the window, with nought but the glare of the single candle against the dull background of the room lighting his figure, his disturbed and restful face staring, staring staring, his form sitting and sitting in the armchair while still staring to the night, had no means to measure. Any spectators only come along to see the man in the window by chance, and then they are not concerned for time. Regardless, when the time does pass and the lights in the background raise again to their normal wattage, the man is suddenly sprung from his internal entrapment. His features soften and become gloomy, his shoulders sag in the coat. He waits a moment to rest and recover. Then, with a gravest gesture, the man named Revell stands, steps forward, and blows the still-lit candle out. The fire in its grate is strong once more. A wind blows into existence outside through the barren trees, and then is gone as suddenly as it had approached. Then the man Revell is dragging back his chair, its legs scratching the floor. He puts it near the fire, where he watches the many flames like an avid spectator of the ballet. He pays no heed to the noises of the television, which is presumed to have decreased its volume during its masters vigil and had since raised itself again as the lights had. The room is cheerful now.

Some say the mans soul is in that candles flame, which burns only half in this one world, half in the next. Others claim that the man is cursed…

S. R. Christian was born in 1991 and resides in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. He is an emerging writer of poetry and short fiction, and currently studies at the University of Regina.

Sabine Baring-Gould A GALICIAN WERE-WOLF

a danse macabre classique supplémentaire
In vain he attempted to speak; from that very instant
His jaws were bespluttered with foam, and only he thirsted
For blood, as he raged among flocks and panted for slaughter.
His vesture was changed into hair, his limbs became crooked;
A wolf-he retains yet large trace of his ancient expression,
Hoary he is afore, his countenance rabid,
His eyes glitter savagely still, the picture of fury

Ovid

The inhabitants of Austrian Galicia are quiet, inoffensive people, take them as a whole. The Jews, who number a twelfth of the population, are the most intelligent, energetic, and certainly the most money-making individuals in the province, though the Poles proper, or Mazurs, are not devoid of natural parts.

In the most quiet and well-disposed neighbourhoods, occasionally the most startling atrocities are committed, occurring when least expected, and sometimes perpetrated by the very person who is least suspected.

Just sixteen years ago there happened in the circle of Tornow, in Western Galicia — the province is divided into nine circles — a circumstance which will probably furnish the grandames with a story for their firesides, during their bitter Galician winters, for many a long year…

In the circle of Tornow, in the lordship of Parkost, is a little hamlet called Polomyja, consisting of eight hovels and a Jewish tavern. The inhabitants are mostly woodcutters, hewing down the firs of the dense forest in which their village is situated, and conveying them to the nearest water, down which they are floated to the Vistula. Each tenant pays no rent for his cottage and pitch of field, but is bound to work a fixed number of days for his landlord: a practice universal in Galicia, and often productive of much discontent and injustice, as the proprietor exacts labour from his tenant on those days when the harvest has to be got in, or the land is m best condition for tillage, and just when the peasant would gladly be engaged upon his own small plot. Money is scarce in the province, and this is accordingly the only way in which the landlord can be sure of his dues.

Most of the villagers of Polomyja are miserably poor; but by cultivating a little maize, and keeping a few fowls or a pig, they scrape together sufficient to sustain life. During the summer the men collect resin from the pines, from each of which, once in twelve Years, they strip a slip of bark, leaving the resin to exude and trickle into a small earthenware jar at its roots; and, during the winter, as already stated, they fell the trees and roll them down to the river.

Polomyja is not a cheerful spot — nested among dense masses of pine, which shed a gloom over the little hamlet; yet, on a fine day, it is pleasant enough for the old women to sit at their cottage doors, scenting that matchless pine fragrance, sweeter than the balm of the Spice Islands, for there is nothing cloying in that exquisite and exhilarating odour; listening to the harp-like thrill of the breeze in the old grey tree-tops, and knitting quietly at long stockings, whilst their little grandchildren romp in the heather and tufted fern.

Towards evening, too, there is something indescribably beautiful in the firwood. The sun dives among the trees, and paints their boles with patches of luminous saffron, or falling over a level clearing, glorifies it with its orange dye, so visibly contrasting with the blue-purple shadow on the western rim of unreclaimed forest, deep and luscious as the bloom on a plum. The birds then are hastening to their nests, a ger-falcon, high overhead, is kindled with sunlight; capering and gambolling among the branches, the merry squirrel skips home for the night.

The sun goes down, but the sky is still shining with twilight. The wild cat begins to hiss and squall in the forest, the heron to flap hastily by, the stork on the top of the tavern chimney to poise itself on one leg for sleep. To-whoo! An owl begins to wake up. Hark! The woodcutters are coming home with a song.

Such is Polomyja in summer time, and much resembling it are the hamlets scattered about the forest, at intervals of a few miles; in each, the public-house being the most commodious and best-built edifice, the church, whenever there is one, not remarkable for anything but its bulbous steeple.

You would hardly believe that amidst all this poverty a beggar could have picked up any subsistence, and yet, a few years ago, Sunday after Sunday, there sat a white-bearded venerable man at the church door, asking alms.

Poor people are proverbially compassionate and liberal, so that the old man generally got a few coppers, and often some good woman bade him come into her cottage, and let him have some food.

Occasionally Swiatek — that was the beggar’s name, went his rounds selling small pinchbeck ornaments and beads; generally, however, only appealing to charity.

One Sunday, after church, a Mazur and his wife invited the old man into their hut and gave him a crust of pie and some meat. There were several children about, but a little girl, of nine or ten, attracted the old man’s attention by her artless tricks.

Swiatek felt in his pocket and produced a ring, enclosing a piece of coloured glass set over foil. This he presented to the child, who ran off delighted to show her acquisition to her companions.

“Is that little maid your daughter?” asked the beggar.

“No,” answered the house-wife, “she is an orphan; there was a widow in this place who died, leaving the child, and I have taken charge of her; one mouth more will not matter much, and the good God will bless us.”

“Ay, ay! To be sure He will; the orphans and fatherless are under His own peculiar care.”

“She’s a good little thing, and gives no trouble,” observed the woman. “You go back to Polomyja tonight, I reckon.”

“I do — ah!” exclaimed Swiatek, as the little girl ran up to him. You like the ring, is it not beautiful? I found it under a big fir to the left of the churchyard — there may be dozens there. You must turn round three times, bow to the moon, and say, ‘Zaboï!’ then look among the tree-roots till you find one.”

“Come along!” screamed the child to its comrades; “we will go and look for rings.”

“You must seek separately,” said Swiatek.

The children scampered off into the wood.

“I have done one good thing for you,” laughed the beggar, “in ridding you, for a time, of the noise of those children.”

“I am glad of a little quiet now and then,” said the woman; “the children will not let the baby sleep at times with their clatter. Are you going?”

“Yes; I must reach Polomyja to-night. I am old and very feeble, and poor” — he began to fall into his customary whine — very poor, but I thank and pray to God for you.”

Swiatek left the cottage.

That little orphan was never seen again.

The Austrian Government has, of late years, been vigorously advancing education among the lower orders, and establishing schools throughout the province.

The children were returning from class one day, and were scattered among the trees, some pursuing a field-mouse, others collecting juniper-berries, and some sauntering with their hands in their pockets, whistling.

“Where’s Peter?” asked one little boy of another who was beside him. “We three go home the same way, let us go together.”

“Peter!” shouted the lad.

“Here I am!” was the answer from among the trees; “I’ll be with you directly.”

“Oh, I see him!” said the elder boy. “There is some one talking to him.”

“Where?”

“Yonder, among the pines. Ah! they have gone further into the shadow, and I cannot see them any more. I wonder who was with him; a man, I think.”

The boys waited till they were tired, and then they sauntered home, determined to thrash Peter for having kept them waiting. But Peter was never seen again.

Some time after this a servant-girl, belonging to a small store kept by a Russian, disappeared from a village five miles from Polomyja. She had been sent with a parcel of grocery to a cottage at no very great distance, but lying apart from the main cluster of hovels, and surrounded by trees.

The day closed in, and her master waited her return anxiously, but as several hours elapsed without any sign of her, he — assisted by the neighbours — went in search of her.

A slight powdering of snow covered the ground, and her footsteps could be traced at intervals where she had diverged from the beaten track. In that part of the road where the trees were thickest, there were marks of two pair of feet leaving the path; but owing to the density of the trees at that spot and to the slightness of the fall of snow, which did not reach the soil, where shaded by the pines, the footprints were immediately lost. By the following morning a heavy fall had obliterated any further traces which day-light might have discovered.

The servant-girl also was never seen again.

During the winter of 1849 the wolves were supposed to have been particularly ravenous, for thus alone did people account for the mysterious disappearances of children.

A little boy had been sent to a fountain to fetch water; the pitcher was found standing by the well, but the boy had vanished. The villagers turned out, and those wolves which could be found were despatched.

We have already introduced our readers to Polomyja, although the occurrences above related did not take place among those eight hovels, but in neighbouring villages. The reason for our having given a more detailed account of this cluster of houses–rude cabins they were — will now become apparent.

In May, 1849, the innkeeper of Polomyja missed a couple of ducks, and his suspicions fell upon the beggar who lived there, and whom he held in no esteem, as he himself was a hard-working industrious man, whilst Swiatek maintained himself, his wife, and children by mendicity, although possessed of sufficient arable land to yield an excellent crop of maize, and produce vegetables, if tilled with ordinary care.

As the publican approached the cottage a fragrant whiff of roast greeted his nostrils.

“I’ll catch the fellow in the act,” said the innkeeper to himself, stealing up to the door, and taking good care not to be observed.

As he threw open the door, he saw the mendicant hurriedly shuffle something under his feet, and conceal it beneath his long clothes. The publican was on him in an instant, had him by the throat, charged him with theft, and dragged him from his seat. Judge of his sickening horror when from beneath the pauper’s clothes rolled forth the head of a girl about the age of fourteen or fifteen years, carefully separated from the trunk.

In a short while the neighbours came up. The venerable Swiatek was locked up, along with his wife, his daughter — a girl of sixteen — and a son, aged five.

The hut was thoroughly examined, and the mutilated remains of the poor girl discovered. In a vat were found the legs and thighs, partly raw, partly stewed or roasted. In a chest were the heart, liver, and entrails, all prepared and cleaned, as neatly as though done by a skilful butcher; and, finally, under the oven was a bowl full of fresh blood. On his way to the magistrate of the district, the wretched man flung himself repeatedly on the ground, struggled with his guards, and endeavoured to suffocate himself by gulping clown clods of earth and stones, but was prevented by his conductors.

When taken before the Protokoll at Dabkow, he stated that he had already killed and — assisted by his family — eaten six persons: his children, however, asserted most positively that the number was much greater than he had represented, and their testimony is borne out by the fact, that the remains of fourteen different caps and suits of clothes, male as well as female, were found in his house.

The origin of this horrible and depraved taste was as follows, according to Swiatek’s own confession:

In 1846, three years previous, a Jewish tavern in the neighbourhood had been burned down, and the host had himself perished in the flames. Swiatek, whilst examining the ruins, had found the half-roasted corpse of the publican among the charred rafters of the house. At that time the old man was craving with hunger, having been destitute of food for some time. The scent and the sight of the roasted flesh inspired him with an uncontrollable desire to taste of it. He tore off a portion of the carcase and satiated his hunger upon it, and at the same time he conceived such a liking for it, that he could feel no rest till he had tasted again. His second victim was the orphan above alluded to; since then — that is, during the period of no less than three years — he had frequently subsisted in the same manner, and had actually grown sleek and fat upon his frightful meals.

The excitement roused by the discovery of these atrocities was intense; several poor mothers who had bewailed the loss of their little ones, felt their wounds reopened agonisingly. Popular indignation rose to the highest pitch: there was some fear lest the criminal should be torn in pieces himself by the enraged people, as soon as he was brought to trial: but he saved the necessity of precautions being taken to ensure his safety, for, on the first night of his confinement, he hanged himself from the bars of the prison-window.